What's Yours is Mine

I've gotten into the good habit of only putting one food in front of Erin during meals.  It not only helps her eat her veggies and other healthy things first, but helps cut down on the fuss if she doesn't want what I'm putting on her tray, but rather the other food at the table.  This particular morning yogurt and grapes were on the menu for breakfast. I fed Erin her yogurt first and decided I would give her grapes while I ate my bowl of cheerios so her hands would be occupied.  I bring out our foods, set down my bowl of cereal, and put a few grapes on her tray.  I then proceed to grab my bowl of Cheerios and enjoy my breakfast.  Erin had another plan: Simply scream bloody murder, throw the grapes on her tray to the floor and thrash about in her tiny chair until she obtains a few of what she thinks are her Cheerios.

10 Months Old Today!

Erin is 10 months old today! I can't believe that it has been 10 months since I met her.  It has gone by absolutely too fast!  In just 2 short months, she'll be a year old and I'll officially have a toddler on my hands.  Although, some days, Erin seems to already show some "toddler" like behavior.  We get temper tantrums when I don't let her touch or play with certain things.  Yesterday, I had to pin her down to change her poopy diaper.  She was NOT happy about that!  Once I was through, she let me know just how angry at me she was.  Tears streaming down her face, drool coming out of her mouth, snot dripping from her nose, as her little hands held tight onto my legs as her face stared up at me begging for attention so she could be reassured that she has me wrapped around her little finger.  Nope, sorry girl....tough love.  It's moments like this that I find hard.
I think about these moments I didn't have with Rachel, how I would have handled it.  I know I would have been a tough mom on her too.  Sometimes, I think that as a baby loss mamma, I'm supposed to be soft and easy on my rainbow child.  I feel guilty for those moments of tough love.  I hear a part of me say, "She's only 10 months old, you have plenty of time to discipline her later, she just wants you to hold her. She's crying, pick her up."  But the other part chimes in and reminds me that she IS 10 months old, she KNOWS what she did is wrong, and she MUST learn that she can NOT get away with it. There are going to be many tough parenting moments ahead in our life and I need to remind myself that tough love is still love and sometimes it is the best love you can give your child, rainbow or not.
Here is a picture of Erin today:

At 10 months, Erin can:
-pull to a stand
-Cruise well along furniture and people
-loves to eat exactly what everyone else is eating
-screams with delight at the sight of cheerios
-her favorite color seems to be purple
-she LOVES Veggie Tales (Sorry Nancy!)
- Loves to be walked around with our fingers
- Enjoys playing with other kids
- Can babble (baba, Dada) and even knows that Daddy is "Baba"

What's That Funky Smell?

    It's Erin's regurgitated formula.

     Stay at home moms are stereotyped as women who are frumpy. Frumpy is another word for "not well kept." I must confess, I have become this type of stay at home mom.

     I'll start off with my hair. For those of you who know me well, it takes a lot for me to not do my hair in the morning, even if it is always done in the same style. Blow dry, curling iron and a little hairspray to pat down the stuff the sticks up at my part. Doesn't ever take me that long to do my hair. (Unless I decide to curl it more than just the bottom) 10 minutes tops. Now days, I just blow dry the front. Two seconds, that's it. I leave the rest to air dry. What's the point when 11:00am comes around and it's put back into a pony tail anyway to keep Erin from grabbing at it all day. Plus, I'm shedding like crazy right now. That nice thick pregnancy hair is falling out.

     Make up: since I started wearing this stuff consistently in college (yes, college. Swim team in high school kept me from having time or caring to work on my face), I never go a day without it. Even if I know I won't leave the house that day, I still normally do it. My facial canvas is now left plain. Maybe I'll put some moisturizer on it, but some days it doesn't even get that treatment. I find it rather funny I still scratch my eye as if I'm afraid to ruin my mascara or eye shadow.

     My wardrobe: Where do I begin here?  I believe I probably became a good candidate for TLC's "What Not To Wear" back in the 90's. (Too bad no one has nominated me yet.  To my knowledge anyway) My style hasn't changed much since then. Jeans and a T-shirt. That's my signature look. Of course in the winter I might throw on my grey cardigan that I always carry around with me. I believe it has a hole in it too. I don't think anyone notices but me though. Grey goes with everything and it the cardigan looks somewhat stylish. Although, when I was teaching, I realized that kids are not afraid to tell you what everyone really thinks about what you look like. I've heard, "you wear the same thing every day" quite a few times from those 4th graders. I do switch it up: summer, it's shorts and a t-shirt. Now that I'm a stay at home mom, my closet hasn't changed much except my clothing size. :( I still wear a t-shirt and shorts around the house. My shorts are so old they have holes in the crotch. I don't care as I don't wear them outside. They are comfy and with the amount of spit up they meet, its good I keep my actual shorts in the dresser until I really need them to venture outside.

     Spit up: this seems to be my new fragrance. Not by choice, though. Erin has silent reflux. (silent reflux means the child catches their spit up on the way up and swallow it.  This is in contrast to the traditional reflux which entails large amounts of projectile spit up) However, the silent part doesn't stay silent all the time. I believe my shirt acquires a good portion of her nasty smelling formula. Yeah, her formula smells bad. Really bad. She's on Alimentum, made my Similac. It's a special formula that has the milk protein already broken down. She drinks this because she can't tolerate anything else. (When I did breast feed her, she would even spit that out too.)  That stuff is the worst smelling formula on the market! It smells before it's consumed and smells 10 times worse when its expelled from the body no matter what end. I even manage to get this down my shirt, on my bra, down my back, and other places I didn't think spit up could get to. I always keep a burp cloth either near me, in my hand or in a pocket to at least try to catch what comes from Erin's mouth at any unexpected moment.  Tummy time...yeah, that's done 3 hours after she ate and she still manages to spit up a good amount at that time.

Yes folks, it true. I've fallen into that stereotype of a stay at home mom. I think I need to keep looking at the bright side: at least I'm exercising.